Small Talk: Roy Race

In a career spanning nigh on 50 years, Roy Race has seen and done it all. But as is becoming clearer by the week, no sporting life can ever be complete without an audience with Small Talk. So pipe down, readers, and we shall begin

Roy, the pleasure is all Small Talk's. First up, and starting with one of the tougher questions, what's your favourite colour?

[Like a shot] I have two favourites: the red and yellow of Melchester Rovers!



Well quite. Given half the chance, who or what would you put in Room 101?

[Contemplates for a moment or two] I'd get rid of football hooligans, they certainly have no place in football.

Quite right, Roy. Do you remember anything about your debut, or is that going too far back?

Yes I do, I remember it very clearly. It was a 3-3 draw against Elbury Wanderers in August 1955. My good friend Blackie Gray also made his debut that day - though we were both very young, back then, of course [laughs]. Anyway, I scored twice but one of our players got injured and, with 10 men, we struggled to keep up with the pace. Seems like yesterday.

I'll bet. What's the greatest football match you've ever witnessed?

Ooh, I think it would have to be the 1966 World Cup Final - it was real Roy of the Rovers stuff!

Very good, I see what you've done there. And how do you feel about England's current crop?

Well, in my view, England are well overdue lifting another major trophy.

Indeed they are, but not with that shifty Swede in charge, surely?

Oh I think Sven's done an excellent job for England, despite the intense media interest. Given time, I'm sure he'll lead England to success.

Bah! Bunkum!

Why not, he's got some exceptional players to choose from. Wayne Rooney is exceptionally gifted, of course, and I think Steven Gerrard is the best midfielder in the Premiership. Michael Owen is always a threat and seems to have been around for years, even though he's still in his early 20s, and Captain Marvel, David Beckham, is a fantastic role model and has the best right foot in the world.

Yes yes. Anyway, what's the greatest goal ever scored?

I'd have to say Diego Maradona's against England in the 1986 World Cup. That was pretty spectacular. Not the Hand of God goal, of course, the other one.

Indeed, the other one was handball. How about one of your own?

That's a tough choice. [Thinks for 10 seconds] I'd probably have to go for my first goal in a 6-0 victory against Gatesfield in an FA Cup Quarter Final in 1992. It was a super volley, I caught it just right.

Small Talk remembers that one - a real Racey Rocket and no mistake. What's in your pockets?

Let me see, just a sleeve of chewing gum and my keys.

There have been so many highs in Roy Race's glittering career. Which stands out as the pinnacle?

My word, that is a tough one. Hmm, I'd say the highest point would have to be winning the European Cup for the first time. It was 1964 and we beat Nettruno of Italy 3-2. That was a very special night.

You've also had several low points though, Roy. When did you hit the bottom?

Probably when we [Melchester] lost 2-1 to non-league Sleaford Town in the FA Cup in January 1975. That was very, very disappointing.

Small Talk imagines that so too was the time you and your Melchester team-mates were kidnapped in that military coup in Basran, and later when you were held hostage in Bogota, South America. Not to mention being shot by Sir Alf Ramsey, unless we're getting storylines confused, and when that helicopter crashed in 1993 and you ended up having your left foot lopped off? All disappointing, but which of those was the worst?

I would definitely say the fateful Basran incident in 1986, for it not only resulted in Melchester Rovers tragically losing eight fantastic footballers but in me losing eight very good friends.

Hold on... Noel Baxter, Vic Guthrie, Trevor Cassidy, Carl Hunt ... Neville Jones ... Kenny Logan ... Steve Naylor and ... Jimmy Slade

Well remembered. I'm lucky because despite everything, at least I'm still alive and I have my family and my football.

There is that. Even though you're a marvellous ambassador for football, Roy, we all see red occasionally. Did you ever swear on the field of play?

No, no never - I always let my football do the talking.

Not even once? Even a small cuss under your breath while the ref's back was turned

No, never. [Realising there'll be no joy here, Small Talk moves on]

What was the last record or CD you bought?

I don't buy too much music, to be honest. It was probably the record I made with Gary Lineker in 1990 called 'Europe United'. We shared vocals and I was on lead guitar.

A great track with some killer licks, Roy, and an absolute disgrace that it didn't chart. What's your favourite TV show?

Well, I watch football programmes mostly, so I'd have to say either The Premiership or Sky Sports News.

What newspapers or magazines do you read?

[Thinks for a moment] I read FourFourTwo, the football magazine, and I take the Guardian, of course.

Oh, of course. Who would you rate as Melchester Rovers' best-ever signing?

[Quick as a flash] That would have to be Blackie Gray [legendary striker/midfield general] - he signed with me in 1954 and gave sterling service to the club for many, many, many years. And he didn't cost a penny, either!

Bonus. Small Talk's favourites would have to be the dream team partnership of Spandau Ballet's Martin Kemp and Steve Norman, who you of course signed from Rockola Wanderers.

Ah yes. Martin and Steve certainly made an impact and they both fitted in very well. They played in the 84/85 season and I know Martin in particular still talks fondly about his time with the Rovers. Only the other week, on the Richard and Judy show, he was saying how it was one of the highlights of his career. I would say that he was probably the better player and it was particularly unfortunate that he missed out on the Milk Cup Final, which he helped us to reach that season.

A travesty indeed, Roy, but that's football. Small
Talk imagines the dressing room was buzzing with regular close-harmony renditions of True. Would that be the case?

[Laughs] Well they did sing in the dressing room quite a lot, that much is true [Small Talk smirks]. They also sang at the Players' Christmas Party and, along with the rest of the band, played a great concert at Mel Park. They were very musical lads.

Were you a Spandau fan before you signed them?

Yes I was, they were a great band. If you push me, as I imagine you might, I'd have to say that Gold was my favourite song of theirs, a classic.

Indeed it is. Would you mind telling me what colour underpants you're wearing today?

[Answers instantly] They're red and yellow. [Small Talk wonders, aloud as it turns out, what style of pant Roy Race might take] I can't answer that, Small Talk, I've already given away too much personal information!

Bah! How much is a pint of milk? [Answer: about 40p]

I bought one only this morning and it was about, ooh, 40p?

Stop reading my answers. Who's your favourite player ever?

That has to be my old team-mate Blackie Gray, he was an exceptionally talented footballer.

More importantly, who would you plump for - Kylie or Britney?

I'd go for Kylie. Why? Well, simply because she seems to have been around as long as I have!

Not quite. You've got a ringside seat as a lion takes on a tiger. Who's your money on?

I would say the Tiger would win as the Tiger comic was my 'home' for nearly 30 years. Having said that, I don't gamble and I certainly wouldn't watch or condone such an unpleasant spectacle.

Is it wrong that Small Talk would? Anyway, what was the last book you read?

That would have been Addicted, Tony Adams' autobiography. It was a brilliant read.

Tea or coffee?

I prefer tea, with just a little milk but no sugar.

And what's your poison?

Tea - milk, no sugar!

Ha ha, very good. Very good. Are you tea-total?

Not quite, I sometimes like a glass of wine with my evening meal but I tend to keep off the alcohol. I like to keep a clear head.

Tell us a joke...

What did the left football boot say to the right football boot? Between us we should have a ball [laughs].

A good family gag, Roy. There's no need for smut is there. Cheese or chocolate?

Oh, chocolate - it's my one vice!


And finally, where might you be off to now?

I'm off to watch a game - England U21s against their Slovakian counterparts.

Roy Of The Rovers may have gone, but Roy Race lives on in glorious colour at the official site. stop work and visit www.royoftherovers.com now.

Nick Harper
Friday 8 August 2003
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2003/aug/08/newsstory.sport1